And that was the week that was…

There are certain points in a person’s life that act as dividers between two stages, two eons.  I think that I will look back on the week of March 12, 2006 as one of those weeks.  Work and life came colliding together in a week of exhausting firsts and finals.

Last Sunday, I participated in Guruji’s first led practice in San Francisco. AshtangaNews blogs about the first day of the tour here . In an earlier blog post , I talked about the community and the history that resonated through the first day’s practice.  I questioned whether work would interrupt the week.

Well, work did intrude.  Knight Ridder (KRI ), the company I have worked for since 2002 was sold to another smaller media company.  For many of my colleagues in the newspapers it will be a wrenching change, for others the new owner looks like a white knight for now.  For me, it means the end of a goal.  I have worked  on the edge of the newspaper business since 1992.  In that time I have seen many attempts at reinventing the newspaper, many sponsored by companies and executives that I have worked for.  I believed naively that we could reinvent an institution.  I know now that I was wrong.  Too much infrastructure, too much scale required to succeed.  Too much legacy inertia to make the changes needed.  People want the news, they respect and I think are comforted by the knowledge that someone is out there investing in covering the difficult questions.  But I am afraid that the public’s interest in journalism has been diluted to something similar to their interest in the environment. Consequences must be immediate and personal before anyone is willing to pay for information relevant to the issue.  Like the environment, the absence of a public journalism will not be realized until history books are written.  More has to be written before this chapter is over.  New models like New West may suggest answers.

At the same time, the week confirmed some things that I had worried about.  Yoga and the confidence to pass up some big opportunities to go to India and practice with Guruji.  If you read my earlier post you knew that I was anxious about the practice.  What if Guruji was too tough for me?  Well to paraphrase some of my teachers,”It’s just practice”.  The asana has to recede into a habit almost biological, like eating or brushing your teeth. The other thing is the whole “Guru” thing.  On Sunday I stood in line to thank Guruji and touch his feet.  It will be whatever it is, just go with it.

Then there is the community.  We have our issues, politics, gossip, but I would trust anyone in that room today.  This morning we saw a movie Guru at the Victoria in San Francisco.  It’s creator has given the community something – a snapshot of the traditions that hold us all together.  Maybe in the weeks ahead I can find some way to make a small contribution to my community in Mountain View or  more.

As always more to come.

Sadness

Change is good – or so they say.  But on the edge of change the overwhelming emotion is sadness.   Sadness is an interesting emotion, a palpable sensation of loss.  When a person losses a limb, there is a residual sensation where the missing limb used to be.  Sadness is in a sense the same for the mind and the heart.

On the work front, as Knight Ridder gets closer and closer to deciding its future, the sense of sadness is from the loss of opportunity.  Visions, ambitions and goals lost.  But, work right now is really more of an intellectual loss.  That may change as colleagues begin to leave for other companies.

This morning I woke to news of changes that have evoked a sadness on the personal front.  In ashtanga, there are the super teachers – Dom and Tim and Dena and Lino.  But, unless you live in their home towns or follow them around the world, you practice with them and then go back to your regular practice environment – your home studio where practice is refined and absorbed into your life.  Change in that world is like losing a limb.

This morning I started reading through the ashtanga blogs I follow. They are in the blogroll at the right. The two stalwarts of my practice – Anne and Phillipe – have announced changes.  Anne is moving to Portland, Oregon and Phillipe is going to stop teaching to pursue his growing internet business.  When I read Anne’s post, my first inclination was tears.  I had to miss practice yesterday because of an early work meeting.  It was Dom’s last practice, but I told myself that I would email him my huge thanks.  Now I learn that I missed a dramatic announcement that will certainly change our community.  But, no tears, just sadness.  I know this is something that Anne wants, and if so I want it for her.  I will just miss her.  If you read this blog, you know as yoga works its way through my body, my body sometimes resists.  At those times, Anne’s best adjustment is always a mental one.  A quiet model of commitment to practice.  These adjustments have kept me practicing, even when I think “that’s it, I’m done”.

Phillipe will still be the pillar of our little community.  But, juggling the roles of entrepreneur and dad is a clearly a lot to handle.  I appreciate that.  I have always marveled at his ability to handle everything seamlessly.  So, again I will miss his adjustments, but will still have his model.

According to the post on Morning Mysore, Sai will continue to help out until she and Dom head for Greece in the May.  Then Lizzie Nichols of Open Door fame is going to help out until David Roche arrives in June.

So, July.  What happens in July?  I have been talking to myself about beginning my long vac at that time.  Could be a sign.

I’ll miss the past regularity and dependability of the practice that Anne and Phillipe fostered for all of us.  I’ll be sad for a while.  And then a new pattern will emerge for us all.