Lifting the Haze


Hard to believe that I haven’t posted since the end of April, over a month.  I didn’t really expect my trip to Nancy’s in Maui to be a watershed, but I think it was.

When I left, Saisha was still in the shala, Anne’s departure was still fresh, things didn’t feel that different yet.  The end of my time at Knight Ridder was approaching, but still the end was a little cloudy.  When would it actually happen, when would the deal close.  When would they actually lay me off?  When could I head to Asia?

After Nancy’s a lot of the hazy ambiguity of the late spring began to lift.  The “close” we were told would come the last week of June while I was at Tim Miller’s in Encinitas.  But things were still unclear as to my personal situation and departure.  When could I actually go?  I think last month was mostly spent obsessing over the end of my time with KR, not to mention planning different scenarios for my time in-between and also beginning to think about what I want to do next.  While all of that was swirling around in my head, I didn’t really feel the need to post.  Quite honestly, the posting would have looked a little scattered, a decision one day and then a reversal on the previous day’s decision the next day.

But now after a month of waiting, the new team has decided that they really don’t need me after the “close” and I can leave at that time.  What a relief!  I was afraid that I would be pulled into some of their transition issues and not be able to get away.  So I am about three weeks from being finished and started on the in-between journey.

This in-between time will be a little bit of adventure, but mostly a personal exploration.  I have been something of a Walter Mitty for the last five years.  I have taken a few longer vacations, but all structured excursions.  You meet up with a group for a structured set of activities.  In my Walter Mitty self, Expedia became my escape.  When I’d reach a point where I can’t believe this is the life I have built, I’d turn to the computer and let Expedia tell me where I could escape to, for how much and when I could go.  Dozens of times I have designed a ticket to adventure, but not pushed the button.  Well now I have.  [Though, apologies to Expedia, after all of this fantasy surfing, I discovered a cheaper, easier way to the Far East.  Thank you Singapore Airlines.]

My tickets from Singapore Airlines arrived yesterday.  I leave on July 22nd for Hong Kong.  Then to Bali where I will spend August with Dena & Jack and then Kirsten & Mitchell.  So the whole month of August in Bali and then back to Singapore.  No plans in Singapore just reacquainting myself with the city, seeing some friends and then Bangalore and Mysore.

So the ticket is open.  I could be there for a month, or longer.  The one determining factor is when Guruji and Sharath return from their European tour and re-open the Mysore shala.  If anyone knows, please post a comment.

The whole thing is pretty exciting, but I am going to be an anxious wreck until I get on the plane.  What will Mysore be like?  Will I over do it and injure myself?  What will I learn? ….  I have some fear that I think is expectation and the same old fear of injury.

So, over the next few weeks, I will be posting a lot more.  The next few months are settled.  And now it is just working through the details.

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2 thoughts on “Lifting the Haze

  1. hi ross
    i’ll look forward to reading about your experiences as you move along. what a special time.
    i totally understand this:
    “While all of that was swirling around in my head, I didn’t really feel the need to post. Quite honestly, the posting would have looked a little scattered, a decision one day and then a reversal on the previous day’s decision the next day.”
    it’s okay w/me if you “look scattered” or something like that. i can relate to decision reversal. but i also understand not feeling the need to post when things are the most unsettled. i’ve become more private myself on my blog and no longer divulge so much. new boundaries; new period of life, i think.
    xo
    a

  2. Hi Ross
    It was nice to see you post again; then I understood why you were changing your life around so much. My field can be quite unsettling at times, with the cycles of construction, but I’ve never had the same amount of time free to reflect and do yoga as you have. Hope you enjoy it, that it enriches your life and those of others with whom you share your stories.
    Namaste
    Arturo

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