When I was younger tomorrow was always hopeful promise of better things, more proficient things to come. You could always excuse your lapses in study or training or discipline or socializing or volunteering, because there’s always tomorrow.
“I don’t feel like going out, I’ll go out tomorrow…”
” Well it’s just a donut and I can start the diet tomorrow…”
“I won’t write that blog entry today. I am still organizing my thoughts. I’ll write it tomorrow.”
Now, I realize that tomorrow maybe be hopeful. But after enough tomorrows have become todays and then quickly yesterdays, it can become a trap, a mocking, sniggering trap.
Last week I had dinner with a friend who is always observant of my tendency to identify some flaw in myself that I must remedy before I can do something I want to do. His observation was surprising and a little traumatizing. At this point the flaw may be permanent and that may be fine. Accept it. I say I want to go to India, but I have the financial resources to go and stay forever. So why haven’t I gone. Maybe I really don’t want to go. My knees accept them. Maybe you won’t be able to ever get into Marichyasana D. OK.
The slow healing of my left knee may be a good case in point. The healing from the fall continues slowly. The knee continues to improve. But I have become hyper-conscious of the balance of left and right and the combination of the sensation in the left hip, groin and knee. The physical therapist I have been seeing advised me to just let it go. Practice as if there is no sensation. She says the knee is fine. Stop waiting to add poses back. Get on with it.
So, I have identified the things that I really must change. I am prepared for a tough go, at this point these habits are old and will not be easy to change. But focus and change them. For everything else don’t wait.